For most classical musicians, including myself, we began playing an instrument out of love and curiosity for the sonic world that instrument could create. As children, we discovered it like a game through which we could express ourselves. We grew up with this instrument, developed ourselves, and pursued a long classical training that was often demanding and rigorous. We have and continue to experience privileged moments of communion and ecstasy with music, just as much as moments of stumbling and questioning.
The trap of this classical training lies, however, in the fact that in order to interpret the music of the greatest composers, one must acquire a great mastery of technique, a sense of phrasing, style and form. To do this, we had to train from a young age for long hours and aim for a level of perfection and excellence that makes us perfectionists.
This is precisely where the danger of exhaustion lies. In the eyes of the perfectionist, there is no limit to excellence and the bar is often set higher and higher in achieving goals. We develop a critical voice that tells us that we should constantly do better. The competition in the field is strong, it must be said, and to make a place for yourself, you have to aim high.
Throughout my years of training in improvisation, I have regularly had conversations with classical musicians in “recovery” from the rigorous and demanding training we have received. Along the way, we often lost our love of music because of the high demands of playing the instrument. Understand me, classical music will forever remain the music of my heart and soul. I can’t speak for others, but for me, I am very grateful to have been exposed to such deep and rich music. I had excellent teachers who I will never forget.
For several of my colleagues I met during my training in improvisation, the discovery of improvisation came as a breath of fresh air and a solution to this exhaustion. As improvisation is an experience of pleasure and communication with other musicians, it softens our demands and our critical voice, in addition to “awakening” this sense of play that we had sometimes lost along the way. It acts as a balm on our wounds as classical musicians. We have rediscovered the love of music and play through it and this experience has allowed us to be more at peace with ourselves, to feel more complete.
As for me, I now have as much pleasure improvising as playing the classical repertoire that I feel more from within. The musical baggage that I acquired in my classical training is undeniably reflected in my improvisations and compositions. It’s a part of me.
Does this experience resonate with you, classical musicians?
For those of you who have experimented with improvisation, what have been your thoughts?